The other day it struck me that my homeschool group as it existed 5-7 years ago is an uncanny small-scale representation of present day America. I didn’t feel like I could talk about PATH problems back when they were happening, here, but now that they’re past, I think it’s probably fine.

The group was founded, on paper, to be a non-denominational and religiously unaffiliated support group for any and all homeschooling families. That’s how all the by-laws were written and it’s how the official statement appeared on the website. However, all the actual founders did happen to be Christian women, and all the available free meeting places were usually church spaces, and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to have someone say a prayer before testing or graduation ceremonies.

As time passed, members seemed to flow in two different ways, with two different mindsets; there were the people who found us online or through phone calls and were drawn in by the lack of religious affiliation, and then there were the people who actually saw us (at a church) or knew us through an existing (Christian) member. The second group had no idea the by-laws/website were the way they were, and the first group was a bit disillusioned and started some tense conversations, as they arrived. The general consensus seemed for awhile to be that we welcomed people of any faith even though we ourselves were mostly Christian, and we didn’t consider anyone obligated to participate in the prayers that were said and thus, by-laws were totally being upheld. That’s kind of shaky but it sort of worked most of the time, having our cake and eating it too.

I felt awful several times when hopeful other-faithed families visited and then never came back, because it was clearly a group of Christians who seemed oblivious that they were in any way “Acting Christian”.

Until we got a practicing Pagan woman who quickly rose to leadership by putting in many volunteer hours and offering up her house and resources for gatherings/chess club/etc. This was during the time I was a park group co-leader, along with a woman who was definitely led in via church sightings and horrified by the idea that a practicing Pagan could still exist at all – let alone in our midst.

By this point in my own life I already had a very good internet friend and 2 RL friends who were Pagan and so the PATH-Pagan was really not a big deal to me in the slightest.

That school year, I spent about 10 hours in early Saturday morning meetings that were TORTUROUS, tedious and exhausting. Basically, we had the (devoutly Mormon, current vocal Tea Party-er) president (who I actually love, don’t get me wrong), several “lapsed Protestant” sort of women who were shocked by anything that fell outside of Judeo-Christian values even though they were not really actively religious in any way, a Jewish-born-atheist-minded mom, this Pagan woman I mentioned, and myself. We would go (literally) around and around in circles about how the papers printed in the middle of us clearly stated that we were not in any way a religious group and that we welcomed people of all faiths – and somehow, none of the non-Pagan women present there but me and the Jewish Atheist could understand in the slightest how meeting in churches and praying before testing conflicted with that.

They kept saying “We’re not in the church to worship and the prayer is voluntary!” as though that truly meant they were being non-religious and all inclusive? I had to like, shout over everyone and say, “Ok, so if a Muslim family wanted us to meet in a Mosque for testing since the Mosque community room just happened to be available, and to do a voluntary prayer to Allah this year beforehand, that would be ok with you guys, right? Or if (Pagan woman) wanted us to meet in a Goddess temple and invoke the spirit over our heads with a magic wand, that would be ok with you guys since you didn’t have to chant along with her?”

(Note: I know a lot of Pagans, and this woman is the only one I’ve ever heard of who actually had a magic wand…I’m not trying to misrepresent a group here and I’m not sure what sort of overlapping beliefs she had that led to the wand)

That kind of got their attention and shocked them and my own park leader stood up and stared at me aghast and said she wasn’t gonna be a part of PATH anymore, and (Pagan woman) thanked me in a very heartfelt way for stating what she’d been trying to state in a way that got the point across. Really I don’t think she even necessarily wanted to change the group – she went on to start her own group and it’s taken off pretty well really – she just wanted the group to stop sitting on this fence that it was and turning a blind eye to reality. You either are or are not a Christian organization, and either can be ok, but to be one and say you’re not one is just ridiculous and will always lead to fallout.

And this is the thing. Our nation was built on religious freedom, as an all-inclusive place for people of all faiths…by Christian men who put God on the money, the Bible in the courtroom and prayer in every ceremony.

We’ve SAID that inclusiveness and unaffiliation is what we’re about so loud and so long but when there is a movement to do anything that directly contradicts Judeo-Christian values it’s this massive scandal and people get really hateful and really ugly about it fast, like everyone was supposed to go on honoring some unspoken honor code that really we’re Christian at heart regardless of all that rhetoric.

And, once again, I find myself in this situation where it’s glaringly obvious to me that all these non-Christian people really do HAVE A FREAKIN’ POINT because if you step outside of your faith-bubble and look at these issues, like gay marriage for instance? Well. It isn’t even an issue anymore at all. Basically I’m looking around with an objective viewpoint and thinking well damn, it is kind of screwed up that Jews and Atheists have to swear on a Christian Bible in court and ridiculous that Pagan children are supposed to be saying “one nation under God” in the classroom at a public school and WHY, exactly, if their hospitals and universities are so heavily subsidized with government funds is the Catholic Church a tax exempt entity? What in the hell in a free society with a separation of church and state could possibly prohibit two men in love from having a non-religious, civil marriage?

And I am always fearing that, once again, the Christian people I know are going to stand up aghast and walk out of my life for saying these things.

PATH at this point is truly an unaffilliated group – there was a sort of mass exodus of people who wanted a religious group, and they went on to join LIGHT (Leaders in Godly Home Training, which I continue to think sounds cult-like) or Archangels (the Catholic one) or what have you. Pagan Lady founded a scientific and skeptically minded one that is clearly, even by it’s name, not geared towards people of faith. I can think of many church-going families in PATH now, though, including an Orthodox Christian family and some quiverfull people with 11 kids, but there are also plenty of openly atheistic and agnostic ones. There was a Buddhist single mom coming for a long time. The dust has settled, as it were. This isn’t a “thing” anymore.

What strikes me is that EVEN THOUGH we don’t pray before tests anymore and EVEN THOUGH Pagan Lady is occasionally part of our field trips/activities and EVEN THOUGH my super new age/culturally Jewish friend Michelle feels safe saying she needs a totally non-Christian enrichment option to a group of us… ALL THE CHRISTIANS ARE STILL CHRISTIAN. Practicing, unembarrassed, unpersecuted and members of a group that is serving them well with field trips, activities and friendships for their kids. Orthodox mom reminds atheist mom that her kids can’t do Friday nights cuz that’s youth group and she goes “Oh that’s right!” and their oldest sons debate whether there is a God. One kid is gay and periodically someone tactfully explains that to a newbie when the teenage social circles are getting especially complex. The mom who hosts most of the older-kid get togethers has a talk with each parent about what their comfort zones are for things like media, separation of boys and girls, language and so on to make sure she’s not stepping on anybody’s toes.

THAT’S IT. It’s really not that damned scary or terrible for anybody!

I would like to see a similar outcome in the grand scale, for this country.

I think all the time that we’re having the grand scale version of those 10 hours worth of painful, awkward, tear-streaked meetings – all acted out in the news. We had the woman who administered testing walk out when the prayer stop, I had my co-leader quit, like I said there was quite a lot of crappy drama involved in the evolution that took place. But in the end I really think it’s ok. I think we can all just be ok.

The weather is so beautiful today and yesterday! 60s-70s with tons of wind. This cold front took us totally by surprise. Ananda and I were on a date on Lincoln Rd yesterday, laughing and laughing because there were all these people taken off guard – basically everyone was ducking into places like CVS to just get anything to cover up with because tank tops and flip flops weren’t cutting it, and a jacket in that area would be a serious and mostly useless investment. We saw a woman wrapped in a baby blanket, several people with beach towels around them, and a lady using a cheap drugstore American flag.

Also, I cleaned the living daylights out of my long-neglected bedroom this weekend, and am really loving it in here, again

Medical Update:
Well, the Hernia Institute said the Homestead Hospital ER docs’ theorizing was just that…wild theorizing, of the sort they’ve never heard before. Losing weight is definitely in order. Blah blah blah. Eating well and not too much is feeling a lot easier to me than it ever has before, so that’s good, and Vegan is coming (almost) naturally. I had a sort of awful debacle with trying to wear binders as recommended to hold the hernia in, and dude, that is really not doable for me. Just…ugh. The way my back arches/butt goes out/whatever causes them to push in and bunch at the spot on my spine that is really triggering and basically within 5 minutes in either of two kinds I tried, I felt like an insane person. Grant said I looked like a deer in the headlights. Geez! I mean I’ve been going around with no binder for 4+ years now, if I can lose weight and have surgery in the next few months, screw the binders. Incidentally, this is the first time in that 4+ years that I have been eager for the surgery. I was actually disappointed when they didn’t take me back to the OR from the ER. I was there with an IV, laying on the slidy board part of the CT scan machine, looking up at the fake sky and trees scene on the ceiling that I have seen several times before, thinking, ok. I can give myself to this. I surrender. Can we please just get it over with?

AAAAaaaand, I got hit-and-run rear ended on the highway a week and a half ago and have been suffering whiplash. It’s driving me nuts. I think it’s actually what sent me to the ER, because the headaches and neck stiffness cause nausea and the other side effects – like sleepiness, irritability – make me feel “off” and nausea and feeling off both make me think something is wrong with the thing they would usually indicate is wrong (hernia). Looking to the left or up repetitively causes intense, sharp headaches (so like browsing the grocery store, checking my blind spot on long drives or taking notes off a classroom board, for instance), and my neck itself gradually stiffens through the course of each day. I’m taking ibuprofen intermittently, arnica that I suspect does nothing, seeing a chiropractor and having wine more often. I really hope this is whiplash of the “3 months” variety and not the “chronic pain and residual issues” sort. It’s also making me crazily lethargic at times, which is apparently to be expected? What? I’ve been taking more naps and going to bed early more often, and trying not to feel guilty for either in spite of having SO MUCH TO DO. Grant took two days off last week because of all this. We also spent…uh (calculating)…almost $500 on all of it. Don’t get me started on “how we’ll pay for the surgery” (we are insured, but it’s crappy insurance).

I have moments when I feel really hopeless and helpless about how this is the only body I get and it’s kind of falling apart, here.

Moving Update:
We talk about moving a lot. We’ve started the process of “Getting to know Ft Lauderdale” in an effort to better understand real estate listings. Basically we’ve got Pros:

-Grant would no longer have to drive TWO HOURS EACH WAY EVERY DAY (or drive an hour and take the train an hour) to work. This is the mother of all other pros, like
*Grant’s happiness and quality of life
*seeing my husband
*kids with their awesome dad
*putting an end to the time/money/happiness sucking insanity of accidents, tickets, traffic court, maintenance and so on that has consumed so much of our lives for the last 6 months he’s had this job
*no longer spending about $800 per month on gas O_O
-but there is also how Ft Lauderdale is a more diverse, prettier place with way more to do and far better walkability (and bike/public transit-ability), great beaches right there, an ART DISTRICT, and so on
-and if he loses or hates this job, there are other jobs UP THERE, near where we’d be living
-our electric bill would also presumably go down a lot – we’re currently part of a small nook still served by the antiquated City of Homestead power plant, which is ludicrously expensive compared to FPL (where most of the state gets power). I’ve gotten bills over $600 in the summer months more than once. $450 is about a median “any time of year” bill for this neighborhood.

And maybe our van would commence with lasting a few more years as it should rather than being driven into the ground as it currently is. Because we are not really looking to add payments.

It seems from my e-search that property crime is somewhat higher in Ft Lauderdale than here, but violent crime is significantly lower, so hey. There is a wildly awesome nature center there that I’ve looked at longingly online more than once, that offers FREE classes and camps.

We’ve been hesitating a lot to even consider it because we have very bad credit and so it would be really hard to own a home again, and I am not eager to (try to) rent with a bunch of kids and pets and the ability to be kicked out so easily – eviction is way more immediate and scary than foreclosure, there is a security bubble in owning your own place (in addition to the freedom to have a turquoise bedroom and a coop full of chickens). It seemed silly to move for a brand new job with a small company just starting out that might not even last, but signs increasingly point to him staying there and getting promoted.

Now that we are considering it, there are also the Cons:

-not living in the same city with my sister anymore (we do a lot of spontaneous getting together that would not be possible anymore), when she has a BRAND NEW BABY even :/
-losing Homestead, which encompasses a whole bunch of stuff like
*walking a few blocks to Elise’s preschool, which is adjacent to the charter school I know enough about to trust and have applied at for my three youngest, and where her teacher is a neighbor we see when we go in the front yard
*my college and the gynecologist I really like being a 5 minute bike ride from where I live
*free music lessons/loaned instruments with great teachers a mile away
*”cultural” stuff like Knaus opening every fall, lychee season around the corner, going to Royal Palm Grille (the weirdest oldest diner ever) to eat and see basically everyone we’ve ever known, my kids being in the same parades I’ve been going to see my whole life
*”people” stuff like my friend Kristin being a fixture in our lives and Theresa, the lady who does my kids’ evaluations every year and lives right over there
*”nostalgia” stuff like just living in this neighborhood I’ve lived in forever – I already did the coming of age move away/come back thing :p
-OUR HOUSE because, wut, I LOVE this house…. It’s so perfect for us – this is really a bit gut wrenching for me at times. Other times I think, well, we probably wouldn’t stay here FOREVER regardless, but I really seem to be getting the impression that we’d be taking steps down in one if not many ways, when we move :/ Ft Lauderdale seems to have somewhat smaller average square footage and WAY smaller average yards, as well as bigger price hikes for things we take for granted (roman tubs in double vanity bathrooms and enormous kitchens, for instance)

I sort of assume we would continue to drive south for certain things that we now drive north for – like Ananda and Aaron’s established group of (awesome) friends, and Isaac’s counseling.

From the first mention, Ananda and Isaac have wanted to move. Aaron went from not wanting to, to wanting to once we spent some time on Las Olas Blvd and the beach, up there (Annie went from wanting to, to REALLY WANTING TO once she saw that they have baby sea turtle season with lots of viewing opportunities). Jake is the hold out that desperately doesn’t want to go. Elise doesn’t seem to care.

I alternate between spending time browsing real estate and thinking it’s really exciting to this sense of despair that there MUST be a JOB SOMEWHERE in HOMESTEAD for him.

School Update:

Homeschool – we just ordered about $200 in new materials everyone was ready for even though we’re sort of in the middle of the school year. My main “problem areas” right now are getting Ananda’s spelling and grammar where they should be, getting Aaron to do more work each day, getting Isaac to really take off reading (rather than this low confidence, lazy thing he’s doing now) and getting Elise to write letters. Other than those particulars, I think everyone is doing great. Some of my favorites of the educational conversations we’ve had recently have been about the Republican primaries, voting fraud, genres of literature and satire. My favorite new thing from the past few months is probably the website readingeggs.com, which my younger ones all love and there are many available free coupons for on retailmenot.com If we stay here and they get in, I am strongly considering putting Isaac, Jake and Elise in the charter school down the street next year. I’m really happy with either choice for them in different ways. Ananda is looking towards being ready for dual enrollment by the time that is possible for her.

College – I only need 6 more classes after this semester to have my AA, which I’m really happy with considering I just started last summer. I’ve fallen behind in a lot of ways recently, between Isaac’s issues and mine..this has definitely been my slackest semester so far :/ Understandable but still needing change…I’m not past the point of being able to catch up, I just have to buckle down and do it. I have a dangerous amount of flexibility, between taking two of these classes online and having another only once a week (with holidays making it more like three times a month). My fourth class I have twice a week but with the spaciest, craziest, most wackadoodle teacher ever, so I can basically come and go as I want – and she ONLY grades tests, so the rest of the time we’re learning or studying. Theoretically. *sigh*

FINALLY – the important part of the entry!

This is the best song to blare through your open windows as your drive over intercoastal waterways, this week:

And this is the current reigning champion of candlelit bubble baths:

I’m still waiting on the finalized contract for my book, but it’s been thoroughly negotiated and talked through, so. Presumably, I’ll be getting it, printing it, signing it, scanning it and sending it back posthaste.

I’m continuously blown away by how well Grant and I work together…we went out Friday night and ate, and just had a great time. Last weekend we were making out everywhere and bowling and I just am so HAPPY when I’m around him. I feel guilty sometimes lately for being a medical burden or a whiny baby, and frustrated that we see each other way less than I’d like. Also sometimes worried he’s going to die on the highway (especially when I am in a vehicle he’s piloting, because, well, that can be scary…) Mostly I’m grateful. I wait for his train outside of the van (or wait for his van out on the porch) so we can hug and kiss and I can grab his butt and feel him all warm and smell him, and it’s the best part of my day.

Sometime soon – most likely very soon, since I should be doing schoolwork – I’ll be posting many pictures.